Perseverance

A letter to myself

Sep 11, 2024

What does one do when the chips are not falling into place the way you intended? Or, you now realize a previous decision, made with the best intelligence you had at the time, turned out to be a bad move?

I find myself in that situation with my current knee injury. I am now dealing with a healthcare system that is not moving at my sense of urgency. I see individuals who want to do their best but are hamstrung by bureaucratic bloat and over-regulated policies that are strangling the ability to get anything advanced.

I am being tested. I am finding that my strategic narrative and storytelling background is now being called on to overcome the emotional responses that lurk beneath my tongue. I feel anger and outright disgust for having to deal with “care administrators” who are clearly offshore and read scripts that I can read along with them from the website and contracts.

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How does the concept of influence now play out? As a practitioner of the craft of strategic narrative, the logic and dexterity required to stay calm and collected is now being tested.

I am returning to some of my training and acquired principles gained over the course of my career and felt like this is a good share for people dealing with conflicts.

AIKIDO

One metaphor that I have always subscribed to in the concept of influence and persuasion is that of the Japanese martial art of Aikido. Aikido focuses on redirecting an opponent’s energy rather than meeting force with force.

The guiding principles of how this can apply to negotiations and conflict are as follows:

Reframe conflict as an opportunity: View challenging situations as a chance to find mutually beneficial solutions rather than a battle to be won.

Stay calm under pressure: Like an Aikido practitioner remaining centered, try to maintain your composure in tense negotiations.

Listen actively: Instead of immediately countering opposing views, seek to understand the other party's perspective, similar to blending with an attack.

Redirect, don't resist: Rather than meeting aggression with aggression, look for ways to channel the energy of the conflict toward positive outcomes.

Maintain flexibility: Be willing to adapt your approach as the situation evolves, just as Aikido movements flow with changing dynamics.

Seek harmony: The ultimate goal in both Aikido and negotiation is to resolve conflict in a way that ideally benefits all parties.

GETTING TO YES

Many years ago, I went to Harvard and took the executive course on Negotiation. The topics ranged from world politics to unarming bank robbers to stopping potential wars. Not light subjects. The main textbook was “Getting to Yes” by Fisher and Ury. It was and still is the quintessential book used to teach about negotiation.

How can I reapply what I learned to my current situation? Upon reviewing the book, here are the six points that I need to embrace.

Separate the people from the problem: This principle encourages negotiators to address the issue at hand without letting personal feelings or relationships interfere.

Focus on interests, not positions: Instead of getting stuck on rigid positions, negotiators should explore the underlying interests and needs of both parties.

Invent options for mutual gain: Rather than viewing negotiation as a zero-sum game, the book advocates for generating multiple options that benefit both sides.

Use objective criteria: To avoid a power struggle, negotiations should be based on fair standards and procedures.

Know your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement): Understanding your fallback option gives you more confidence and leverage in negotiations.

Employ "negotiation jujitsu": When faced with difficult tactics, the book recommends redirecting negative energy rather than responding in kind.

PRESERVE

Sometimes we need to listen to our own advice. The kind that as a practitioner, I hand out to my corporate clients trying to break through the noise and to my executive clients who are seeking to advance their careers.

We all hit walls. Or as I like to say resistances. Which brings me back to identifying my constraints and conditions for the situation I find myself in. I can turn up the anger and volume and try to win through brute force or I can dig back into my wisdom and begin to apply what I know to advance the solution I seek.

NOW (How you are realizing this today)

How are you facing your resistance in front of you?
Are you applying one of the above approaches or do you need to?

NEW (How you will realize this tomorrow)

I will define my BATNA so I know what is acceptable as an alternative to no decision by the end of September.
I will understand the energy from the person or situation that I am facing to find a way to deflect that energy into something positive and a win-win for everyone involved.
I will learn to separate the problem from the person and seek to solve the problem.

NEXT (I see a world in which)

I see a world in which perseverance is paid off by finding win wins through the art of negotiation and finding common ground to solve the resistance in front of us.

THE PAYOFF

"The ~~man~~ person who moves a mountain begins by carrying away small stones."
~ Confucius

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If you are seeking a way to optimize your negotiation strategy, book a free consultation with me. Let's consider the possibilities. My work has raised a collective $1B+ for the companies I have worked with over the last 10 years. And, I have helped dozens of companies and executives to find their narrative voice.